Sometimes when I pray, I look into my eyes at the nothing that is there and think to myself, “Feels like I haven't done this in awhile.”. I know I believe and I know that I know, but that doesn't feel good enough. Have I got so caught in the idea of who God is and knowing that I know, that my relationship takes a passenger seat to everything else. I knew I wasn't good at being like him, but am I becoming terrible? Since when did I have it figured out well enough, to not have to work on it anymore? Maybe there is a point in every God filled relationship where you walk away and live on your own just so you can experience what it's like to be on your own. Kind of like children at a park testing their parents on how far away they can get completely by themselves. Everything in this world is geared towards getting the information on how to do something so you can get out there and do it yourself. I'm saddened by the fact that I have taken my relationship with Jesus in the same manner.

Just yesterday, I finished leading worship and took my seat in the back, when my mother started singing Silent Night. That song has always been my favorite Christmas song, but something new came out of it this time. I sat in the back and cried quietly to myself, as each line hit with a conviction that only God could. For once in my life, I sat with no thoughts in my head, as I simply let the song come in and remind me of how it all started and how I got to where I am now. With the most sincerity I have ever had, I simply said “I love you.”. This felt as foreign as my prayers have lately, but only for a second. Before the thought had completely passed, I felt that same sincerity return to me and I no longer felt like a stranger. Just as the song says, Christ the Saviour is born, and he was born in me again that moment. I was the most complete I could be. All it took was something as simple as I love you? There had to be more to it than that! That was where I have always fallen short. It is that simple and I had only distanced myself farther away by not letting that go. It is that simple.

Here it is: you can start over, he is always waiting, we make the choice and the cavern separating us from him, is all our own doing. Nothing and no one, means more to me then him.

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!
Christ, the Saviour is born
Christ, the Saviour is born

Silent night, holy night
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth "

So, I was eating at a restaurant a couple of days ago and my brother wanted to order a double mushroom & swiss burger. However, after telling the waitress what he wanted she promptly replied by saying “ Sorry, we don't serve double mushroom & swiss burgers, we only have mushroom & swiss burgers”. On a completely separate occasion, my father tried to order a double cheeseburger, but to his disappointment, there was no such thing. COME ON!!! How can a restaurant serve regular cheeseburgers and not sell a double. You'd think hamburger buns had a height restriction preventing them from stacking too high. You honestly mean to tell me, that a restaurant that sells hamburgers, can't throw an extra patty on there? Tell you what restaurant, why don't you sell me a bun, cheese, and two patties and I'll assemble the freakin' thing myself. It's also amazing, that a restaurant that sells both a double cheeseburger and a mushroom & swiss burger can't make a double mushroom & swiss burger. I mean seriously, who's cooking back there, Helen Keller?


On the other hand, why can't I ever get a decent waiter or waitress? I can understand that things can get busy or the restaurant is understaffed, but most times I have an issue, its when there is very few people dinning. It's always one of two extremes, you either get the caffeinated cockatoo that feels it necessary to talk to you every three minutes, especially when your mouth is full, or you get the phantom waitress that was there at the start, but has mysteriously fell of the face of the earth right when you need a refill or your check. Oh well, someday, when I rule the world...

I was recently pulling my laundry out of the dryer when I realized I was dropping clothes on the floor. It wasn't because I have horrible motor skills, which compared to most people I probably do, but due to the fact the basket was a freakin' circle!! Whose bright idea was it to think a circular basket would be best when pulling clothes out of a square machine?? So because the basket is a circle, only a small percentage of the basket is up against the machine with all the more possibility the clothes go everywhere. Thankfully, someone was on the same thought path as me and made a square basket.

Speaking of laundry, why is it when we are required to buy two separate machines, one to wash and one to dry, that you load dirty laundry in the top and load wet laundry in the side? I'm assuming I'm not the only one that has dropped clean, wet laundry on the floor trying to do a quick hook shot into the dryer. Where are all the top loading dryers??? As if that wasn't bad enough, the designer decided to put the lint trap right there in the dryer door, just big enough to throw a wet sock into. I don't know how many times I've pulled a sock out of a lint trap that looked like Elmo from Sesame Street. Oh well, someday when I rule the world...

There was this old man using a stepping machines in the physical therapy office I was working in today. When he finished his time on the machine another old man walked over to him and asked how he was enjoying the workout he was required to do. The old man that walked over to him started to tell him how he shouldn't work too hard. He said that he had had a friend that did the same thing, but after he had gotten off the machine, he sat down and died right there. The first old man jokingly said, “That wouldn't be that bad!” and other old man responded by saying “You mean calling it quits?” The first old man had nothing to say as he took a drink and got back on the machine.

Later that day, I went over to an apartment to help a gentleman with a computer problem. This man was quite old, wheelchair bound and a previous customer of mine. While fixing his many PC issues, he launched into a conversation about how the image of a airplane he had on his desktop was just like the one he had flown in WWII; the same story he had told me from the previous service call. Realizing he didn't remember me, I humored him and took part in the conversation like I hadn't heard it before. This time however, he began to tell me how he was slowly going down hill. He couldn't walk because he had a problem with his right knee, which he had had three surgeries to try and fix it, but it still ached a lot. He said he had trouble breathing and he has had to have a urinary catheter put in. I told him that I would be getting old someday too, but I think there was no comfort in that statement.I will get old someday. My body is almost done growing and will soon start the downward spiral toward my last breath. It's easy for me to get caught up in living and forget that I will come to the same spot as these older men. Is there a point were calling it quits seems like a good option? When does the weight of this world or the curse of growing old turn out to be more than we bargained for? You'd think we could do enough good for the world or make a strong enough impact to avoid such a punishment, but that is just not the case. You have to wonder if where we are going after we die is worth the pain and isolation of old age. For me it is, but it doesn't make the idea of getting old any easier to accept.

After listening to these men, I've decided to live where I'm at. I've spent far too long fearing old age and the problems that go with it. I like to think about the older people I've met that have those amazing attitudes that I wish I had. The type of old people that act younger than I do. I want to be that way! Old age be damned, I'm going to live! Far too often I've seen an elderly couple sitting in a restaurant never saying a word to each other, as if they have finally said everything. I will strive to never be that way! I know that there is a plan for my life and it has only just begun to unfold itself and I won't let “calling it quits” become the best option.

Let me end by saying, that my attitude toward growing older has changed, but my respect and understanding for the elderly has not. I understand that it is not always easy and sometimes people have no control over how they age and for that, I sympathize. Just as I will grow old and want to continue my life the way I want to, we need to be compassionate and forgiving to the elderly, so they to can feel life is worth living.

When I was little, I remember getting my Nintendo video game system. I remember it so much, I can recall how the box smelt when we opened it. Thanks to my dads, now regrettable choice to buy me one for Christmas, I've become quite the video game fan boy. Aside from the few games I can remember having a lot of fun playing, I unfortunately remember another part of my video gaming experience a lot more. I remember 1^st player. The amazing power of the first controller. It had to be mine and I would do anything to get it. Why you ask? Well its obvious! First player got to be Mario in Mario Bros. First player got to pick the game settings and enter the game itself, before anyone else could. First player, was in control.

Overall, there really wasn't that much of a difference between first and second player when it came to the gaming experience. Where the difference came from, was the ability to know that I ultimately had the control of how these games would be played. I visited a church meeting/service of a group of people who wanted to start a church. The overall feeling I got while listening to them talk, was as if they were fighting for first player. It sounded as if they knew how church should be done (which is not how all the other churches in the area are doing it of course) and they were going to show the town how to do it the right way. The more I watch people go through the motions of “living life like it was intended to be lived” I find it to be more like “living life for control of how life should be”

It says a lot about a small child that refuses to play a game when he can't be first player and it says a lot about an adult who hates the church because he couldn't have the control he desired. I've heard so many stories about the people who turned away from a good thing, because they couldn't express themselves like they believed they should. It's not the leaving that is so wrong, by all means, if you don't fit in or feel God calling you to your current position, then go find where he is. The problem is in the “up in arms”, “fight for the right” attitude that comes from being told no. Why cant we have grace in the differences we don't understand, rather than having to prove that the way we think it should be done, is the best way? It is simply amazing how many people aren't happy if they can't have first player and the utmost control over certain things.

The problem with leaving something with the “I'll show you” attitude, is that no matter what you do, it will never be built with God in the place he needs to be. That wounded attitude will only attract other people who feel wounded and will ultimately turn your mission into showing the world why you were right. Think about it next time you refuse to play along when you don't get first player. Think about how little your control and influence on situations matter to God and the people your putting them through. More people need to realize God already has first player and most of these selfish thoughts wouldn't happen in the first place.

Take On Me Literally

Head Over Heels Literally

I've been thinking a lot about where my life is going lately. Where am I going to be in a month from now is kind of frighting. I have so much right here and right now, just the way I like it, even though it's not perfect and has just as many problems as benefits. I have a hard time excepting the possible future as a real possibility.

As I had mentioned in a previous blog, I just got back from a trip to Orange City. I had my map to where I was suppose to go and it was pretty straight forward. Everything was going smoothly until I hit a detour. What luck, I mean, I was on the last straight stretch before I would drive straight into Orange City, only to be taken miles out of my way. After almost having to guess what turns to make in order to get back on the right highway, I made what looked like the final turn onto the highway I needed to be on.

As I drove, my confidence began to wain and I got more and more scared that I had taken the wrong turn somewhere. I began earnestly looking for road signs that would let me know that I was on track. Just like that my Dad called. He got on Google and, with what information I had, found where I was on the map. He assured me that I was going the right way and to just keep going; the town should be coming up. Finally there was a sign.

Gods plan for us is not a road map. Gods plan is merely road signs. He never tells exactly where we are going or exactly how to get there; he only gives us road signs. Get use to it! We will never have it all figured out! We have to wait on his guidance and his directions from point to point and there will be many times where you don't see a sign for what seems like forever. Why do we always jump the gun and yearn for a clear cut route through the chaos? What difference does it make in the long run when your gonna keep going anyway. When I felt I was lost, I didn't pull over and wait for the way to be shown to me. I didn't turn around and try another direction. I kept going. I kept looking for the signs to point the way. The longer a person moves without knowing which way they are going, the harder it is to believe they are following the right path. It happens to all of us.

We lose sight of what was suppose to be great due to lack of signs. Hold on! It's coming! The greatness that we see in Gods plan, he sees through us. Take a look at where you've been and realize there were moments then where all seemed lost, but you're here today. It's not only by the grace of God sometimes, but all the times. When we need it most, God calls us and assures us we are doing it right and if he hasn't done that yet, then call on him yourself.

The gaps that seem the most void of Jesus, are the times when Jesus is there the most. We must only stop searching for the map and start looking for the signs.

This last weekend, I took a drive to Orange City to visit my girlfriend, that I hadn't seen in a little over a month. The drive was long and boring, but a little easier because my brother went along. I told her I was going to call her when I was almost there, but I opted for the surprise entrance. I walked up the stairs to her dorm, with my brother right behind me. As I walked through the door and saw her sitting there, she turned and saw me at the same time. She smiled and ran at me with open arms throwing herself around me like we had been away from each other for years.

As I kissed her and looked into her eyes, it all felt so unreal; like looking through a peep hole in a door. I could feel her and see her, but it all felt like I was still in that moment between waking and sleeping. It took me awhile to realize I was actually there, with her, for real. I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

It was an amazing weekend and I loved every minute of it. It was as if we had started dating for the first time, all over again. However, by the time I got back home into my room and started unpacking all my dirty laundry, I started to wonder if I had ever been there at all. Now as the days slip by and I have almost two months to wait until I see her again, I have to hold on to what I had.

It's hard to believe that this is the rotation our hearts go through with God. When you experience a moment that has come together so perfectly that it's hard to believe it's real or a trouble roadblock that seems impassable is broken down; God is there. These situations happen and are simply amazing, but they slip into the past stepping farther away from being real, day by day. Too many times I look at God and feel like I'm not there; like it's too good to be true, as God and I share success, a time of encouragement, despair or joy. I walk away from those moment only to feel like I was never a part of that. Every day it pushes that experience farther away from my mind until I'm unsure it even happened. Then out of nowhere I experience God again, but unreal due to the time spent apart.

Angela and I have beaten the "out of nowhere experience" because we see and talk to each other everyday over the Internet. Even though we still have unreal feelings that come from being apart for so long, our connectedness and consistent communication, help us push through those empty times when we are so far away. This is why so many people fail to experience God. They simply lack "connectedness and consistent communication". We can't be so quick to give up when distance separates us from people or God. I know I wouldn't give up on Angela, so why should God be any different.

I've been thinking lately of the stagnant place in my life that I'm in right now. Not a bad stagnant as in mentally or physically, but in the bigger picture of human lives and the points in life that seem to matter the most.

What I am trying to get at is, that depending on your age, there is usually a point in time we look forward to; such as becoming a teenager or being able to drive. So here is the list of big moments to shoot for.

Age
1-10--Every birthday is an important one
13----You're finally a teenager
14----You get your drivers permit - Enter high school give or take a year - Get a Job
16----Full fledged license - Get a Passport - Join the Millitary
17----R-Rated Movies - Apply for a Pilots license - Buy Firearms
18----Vote - Buy Tobacco - Buy Fireworks - Apply for a Credit Card - Tattoos - Jury Duty - Marriage without consent - Enter Gentleman Clubs - Leave Home without consent
21----Buy and Drink Alcohol - Adopt a child - Play the Lottery

Some of the things listed are dependent upon the state which you live

So as it appears, 21 is the final checkpoint before not much else happens. There aren't really anythings that separate one age to the next. Things start to meld together and not offer any reason to want to age past 21. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing like finally gaining the ability to do something that you couldn't otherwise do at an earlier age. I still remember hitting 21 and going to the local gas station to buy Smirnoff the very night I hit that 21 year old checkpoint. I proudly pulled the alcohol from the cooler and put it and my I.D. on the counter. I had no deep desire to drink, in fact, it was the middle of the week and I had work the next day, so I wasn't about to get drunk.

The point is, I didn't do it because I needed to or had to, but because I could. The divider that was preventing me from being able to do something, was seen as a moment to conquer. A chance to do something simply because there was no one that could stop me anymore. It felt like right of passage. In the bigger scheme of things, a life with Christ can feel the same way.

When starting off on our spiritual journey, it is nothing but checkpoints. One after another learning about different aspects of the Bible and then applying them to our lives. Growing and gaining understanding of new principles and seeing them work in our lives or with other people. From there we learn that we need to tell others about it and help people start their own journeys. Then, just like hitting 21, there stops being any purpose to doing what we have been doing. The checkpoints disappear under the guise of something we've conquered and now what is there?

When is the last time you really felt special driving your car or buying a beer?? Well why would you?? Where is the joy in the simplistic act of doing, just because you can?? We can't forget that checkpoints are not about the completing, just for the sake of moving on to the next one; Rather a point in history to look back and remember how they made you feel and what they accomplished. Get in your car and grip the wheel as if this is your first drive on your own. Buy a lottery ticket just because you have a couple extra bucks in your pocket and remember the thrill of the chance. Read a verse in your Bible like you never have before and apply to your life with the child like faith you once had. Tell your coworker about Christ in your life and who Christ would be in his or hers just so you could experience the great joy there is in giving someone a life worth living.

Just like you use to, just because you could.

Everyone has one thing in common and that, is purpose. Most of everything that we do in our lives comes from a purpose or a drive deep within us and I guess you could say, finding my life’s purpose turned me around. My story is not a heroic turn from evil, it's not a story of demise turned to glory, but a chapter devoted to what my turning point did to my life and its decisions.

It wasn’t long ago, that the thought of a greater power was in my thoughts at every ‘choice’ intersection. With a common feeling of powerlessness, I looked up for answers and comfort through life’s struggles. I was hoping for a feeling from above that would allow me to take some control over my life; by giving it to someone that could handle it. A God of such reputation and supremacy, that I previously knew from others and from stories out of a leather bound book, was the only response I got, which, to be honest, didn't help me at all. Soon, I was letting go more and more to the pressure from above to turn it over to him. In each instance, I hung on as long as I could. So, with a sort of inward embarrassment, I surrendered total control in hopes he would deal with it better than I did. Although; It wasn't always so clean cut.

Not every situation led to perfect results, in fact, more often than not, they didn’t go the way I wanted them to at all; that’s just the way the world seems to work. As if to make those problems worse, questions arose. If anything can beat down a persons beliefs, it's questions. Faith would come and go with each new situation or question derived from it. Even though questions came up, the conclusion was always knowing that although it wasn’t a perfect solution, it helped me deal with my less than ideal finish. With this knowledge from every experience, I gained a pure awareness of how my world can be better, through “understanding and acceptance”. Acceptance seems like dodging the bullet when it comes to the tough questions, but I'm not saying to avoid questions; Rather, accept the fact that they will arise through struggles and will be answered in time. Far too often, people drop faith the instant a hard question shows up. Why can't we be OK with not knowing everything?? I realize now, that if I so choose to hand things over to the one that knows me better than myself, those questions will be answered. Some will take longer than others, but never the less, they will be answered.

I believe now, through all of my experiences, that there is someone factual and beyond doubt, existing more than most care to acknowledge. I can confidently press forward with the greatest turning point in my existence, to make the rest of my reality, just that; real. No problem, choice, decision, or struggle has to be any worse than I wish to let it. When all else fails, don’t forget to stop and look up, for the world you live in isn’t restricted to what you see in front of you.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Over my lifetime, I've experienced an emotion that is hard to describe. Not too often, but every now and again, something happens to someone else that makes me feel like I just punched an old lady. It seems to happen most often, when something happens to someone, that I don't feel deserves it.

Some time ago, when I use to live in Decorah, my dad embarked on a epic journey that would change both my brothers and my view, of manual labor. My dad, not being one for doing anything on a small scale, decided to build a pond in our backyard. The pond was large enough to swim in and perfect for keeping Koi fish. Koi are beautiful Japanese fish, that were simply awesome to have around as pets, not just fish. To this day, I regret not taking more joy in the project, because now, it's gone and I don't think I truly knew how much it meant to my dad. We had somewhere around 30 Koi in this pond and the pond was deep enough to keep them in even during the Winter as long as there was a hole in the ice to feed them through. My dad took a plastic tub, put a light bulb through the base of it and then turned the tub upside down over the ice to keep it from freezing over completely. It worked great until one morning we had discovered the bulb off. The Koi had died due to electrocution. Somehow the water had swelled up into the tub and come in contact with the bulb. It was a grim day to say the least. I'll never forget that day, as I watched my dad reach into the water and pull out the dead Koi one by one. I couldn't help, but feel horrible. I felt mad that this happened and to someone that had done nothing to deserve this. Such a pointless consequence to beg the questions; "Why? Why? Why?"

There was so little point to this, that I reached for reasons to blame. Maybe it was my fault or my brothers. Maybe it was my dads fault, but even if it was, did it really merit such a crash to all that he had built? Where was God in this and if he was involved, Why couldn't he have prevented such a meaningless happening.

I have this feeling when someone goes through all the work of filling up there tray at lunch to trip and lose it all, on the way to the table. I experience it when the quiet bookworm kid comes to school with a black eye and a fat lip. I feel it when an old person gets hurt, as if getting old didn't hurt enough. I don't like this feeling of watching others hurt for no apparent reason, but I think there in lies the answer. There is no apparent reason, but who knows what is going on in there world.

There are, in most accounts, 2 reasons for a situation like this to happen. The first reason is known only to the individual going through it. The circumstance may be just the jolt they need for one reason or another. It may be what gets them on to the right path or back on the one they strayed from. More importantly is the other reason for such an emotional encounter. It's not for them, it's for me. I'm given the opportunity to alter life by their situation. I help them clean up there tray, I offer my hand in friendship to the person that's not very popular, I visit the elderly in there time of pain or I express my mutual feeling of sadness at the end to an amazing project together.

I think I've come to realize, that the feeling of punching old ladies, only comes when I go no further then my emotions. I now know, I have to offer myself in a persons time of need, whether I can do it perfectly or not, to give a purpose to what seems like senseless consequences.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net">

I've been spending the majority of my nights falling to sleep watching ALF. The show has a sort of simplicity that you don't see in TV anymore. It also has a genuine humor to it that leaves racism, sexual innuendos and politics by the way side. If you're not familiar with the show at all, it's about an alien that crash landed on earth and is being protected by a family until he can be rescued. I watched the show for this long to only notice now, that ALF is Jesus. Not literally, but metaphorically.

Show after show, the family does everything in their power, to keep ALF hidden from the outside world. I do that more than I care to admit. All too often I find myself rushing Jesus into the kitchen or closet when people come over. After I know he's out of sight, I quickly turn around with a expression that says everything is OK. ALF was rushed into the kitchen every time someone came over and then the Tanners would smile and greet the company like the normal family they should be. What are we so afraid of? Hurting someones feelings? Being rejected perhaps? Maybe it's as simple as being afraid of confrontation and not knowing how to bring it up. I don't know about you, but I know I wasn't put on this earth to make sure Jesus is comfortable in front of the TV and has plenty to eat. I was made to be a servant for Christ, for others .

So, Should we be a smiling face to show all is well, normal and hope no one asks any tough questions like the Tanners do? Or should we open the doors and let in who chooses to venture our way? We need to stop hiding Jesus from the world, like he is some alien that no one will understand. Everyday we have the choice to step out in faith and let Gods light be shown or hide it behind the nearest door. We have to be less afraid of what we think people will think and start acting on what we believe. There is a lot to get from Jesus for ourselves, but what of Jesus do we give to others.

I was recently watching family videos of me when I was younger. I found a video of my dad, brother and I playing catch. I remember being scared of my dad throwing the ball at me. It wasn't that he threw too hard, because he didn't, it was that I knew he could. I had watched my dad throw the ball around at ball games with older people and new he had an arm. I watched myself lay my glove open, as he lobed it into the air gently. I would put the glove out in front of me as far as I could, to avoid all chances of getting hit. I remember that fear quite well.

As I grew older, my father threw harder. It was either catch it or get out of the way. I loved playing catch with my dad, but sometimes the fear got the best of me. My dad was very good at putting the ball right where I could catch it and only throwing it as hard as he knew I would be able to handle. I remember probably one of the last times I played catch with him. He was putting everything he had behind it. When I would catch wrong, it would hit the palm of my hand flat and it hurt with a sting that lasted well past the initial impact. Even though he was throwing it harder, I was staying in front of the ball. I was catching it and throwing it back with as much intensity as I had. I began to enjoy the sting and the pain because I was lost in the experience. The fear wasn't there and he knew I could take his hardest throws.

He always new how much I could take. From tossing it up in there air, to hurling it at me with a speed the Road Runner would be jealous of. I realize now that him playing catch with me wasn't about teaching me to be able to handle more, but teaching me how to deal with what was being thrown at me at the time. He knew what I could handle and it showed in how he threw it at me. Life is the same way with God. He knows what we can handle and adjusts his pitches accordingly.

There is two ways to fight through struggles that seem overwhelming.

#1 Without God
This puts the weight on you and you alone. Fear is more overwhelming knowing that you can only do what you believe you can do. There are no miracles, no saving graces and nothing to gaing, but the chance to do it all over again when you fall. Whether it ends good or bad, you are solely to blame and ultimately are all alone.

#2 With God
If you know that God doesn't put you through any endeavor that you can't handle you will feel ok. Reguardless of the situation, you will come out victorious. you know that God will provide and thus, nothing seems out of reach or improbable. There is a sense of security and wellbeing that can be gained from finding joy in a failure, knowing they can't get the best of you.

All in all I learned a valuable lesson from playing catch from my father. He didn't teach me to fear or hate the ball, but to understand it. In life and all its failings, I've learned no matter what comes my way, always stay in front of the ball, because when God is with me, there is no safer place to be.

I had quite the birthday this week. I wasn't really telling people, mainly because I just didn't care to. I mean, after you hit 21 there really isn't much to look forward to except another year. However, my girlfriend pulled out all the stops. I kind of figured she would, but not as much as she did.

She came to see me at work and brought a cake with my picture on it; she looked so happy. After work was over, I headed to youth group and she met me with a dozen blue balloons smiling the whole time. When youth group was over, she met me at my house where she gave me my gifts. She bought me two DVDs and a picture of us, as well as chocolate.

She really made me feel important. Not only now, with all the stuff, but even before. She makes me real some days. Sometimes the look in her eyes is the time of day when I come flying back to reality. I go to work, I go to band practice, I run the youth group, it all meshes together sometimes and she seems to be the one thing that always keeps me grounded. She means more to me than she knows and she is a piece of my golden ticket that I can call my own.

Cant take
The time to be
Who you see
Inside of me.
Love me strong
I can't stay long.
To busy to be
Who you see in me.

Something to hear.
Something to see.
Something is you
Right beside of me.

Time is lost.
When you're around.
Your voice a whisper.
Love that sound
Inside my thoughts.
Begins to pound.
You leap into
You go right through.

Something to do.
Something is said.
Somewhere to run
With only you.

I'll take time
To find you true.
Loving steps
Along with you.
Tears will fall
Drops like flame
Embracing me
I call your name.

Something,
Something,
I know is you.

It turns out, now is the time to let it spill. My Golden ticket, there's a story behind that title that was written on a different blog awhile back (I may re-post it). For now, however, my Golden Ticket is everything I'm shooting to be. The very core of what I want to become in this world, lies in wait, just like the elusive Golden Ticket from the story/movie. Self discovery, self acceptance, learning and cursing, all to appear soon.

I've decided to change and to become me, the one thing I've been hiding so long. I have to change physically and mentally. To change from an overweight depression, to someone lighter in both manners. It's already started though, I took the jump 4 days ago.

I can't wait to see what bad things happen and what good. I can't wait to hurt with change and take joy in my struggles. It's not going to be easy, but I'm looking forward to the chance to succeed or fail and then do it all over again.

Catch ya on the flip side.