Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Over my lifetime, I've experienced an emotion that is hard to describe. Not too often, but every now and again, something happens to someone else that makes me feel like I just punched an old lady. It seems to happen most often, when something happens to someone, that I don't feel deserves it.

Some time ago, when I use to live in Decorah, my dad embarked on a epic journey that would change both my brothers and my view, of manual labor. My dad, not being one for doing anything on a small scale, decided to build a pond in our backyard. The pond was large enough to swim in and perfect for keeping Koi fish. Koi are beautiful Japanese fish, that were simply awesome to have around as pets, not just fish. To this day, I regret not taking more joy in the project, because now, it's gone and I don't think I truly knew how much it meant to my dad. We had somewhere around 30 Koi in this pond and the pond was deep enough to keep them in even during the Winter as long as there was a hole in the ice to feed them through. My dad took a plastic tub, put a light bulb through the base of it and then turned the tub upside down over the ice to keep it from freezing over completely. It worked great until one morning we had discovered the bulb off. The Koi had died due to electrocution. Somehow the water had swelled up into the tub and come in contact with the bulb. It was a grim day to say the least. I'll never forget that day, as I watched my dad reach into the water and pull out the dead Koi one by one. I couldn't help, but feel horrible. I felt mad that this happened and to someone that had done nothing to deserve this. Such a pointless consequence to beg the questions; "Why? Why? Why?"

There was so little point to this, that I reached for reasons to blame. Maybe it was my fault or my brothers. Maybe it was my dads fault, but even if it was, did it really merit such a crash to all that he had built? Where was God in this and if he was involved, Why couldn't he have prevented such a meaningless happening.

I have this feeling when someone goes through all the work of filling up there tray at lunch to trip and lose it all, on the way to the table. I experience it when the quiet bookworm kid comes to school with a black eye and a fat lip. I feel it when an old person gets hurt, as if getting old didn't hurt enough. I don't like this feeling of watching others hurt for no apparent reason, but I think there in lies the answer. There is no apparent reason, but who knows what is going on in there world.

There are, in most accounts, 2 reasons for a situation like this to happen. The first reason is known only to the individual going through it. The circumstance may be just the jolt they need for one reason or another. It may be what gets them on to the right path or back on the one they strayed from. More importantly is the other reason for such an emotional encounter. It's not for them, it's for me. I'm given the opportunity to alter life by their situation. I help them clean up there tray, I offer my hand in friendship to the person that's not very popular, I visit the elderly in there time of pain or I express my mutual feeling of sadness at the end to an amazing project together.

I think I've come to realize, that the feeling of punching old ladies, only comes when I go no further then my emotions. I now know, I have to offer myself in a persons time of need, whether I can do it perfectly or not, to give a purpose to what seems like senseless consequences.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net">