Nothing & No One

Sometimes when I pray, I look into my eyes at the nothing that is there and think to myself, “Feels like I haven't done this in awhile.”. I know I believe and I know that I know, but that doesn't feel good enough. Have I got so caught in the idea of who God is and knowing that I know, that my relationship takes a passenger seat to everything else. I knew I wasn't good at being like him, but am I becoming terrible? Since when did I have it figured out well enough, to not have to work on it anymore? Maybe there is a point in every God filled relationship where you walk away and live on your own just so you can experience what it's like to be on your own. Kind of like children at a park testing their parents on how far away they can get completely by themselves. Everything in this world is geared towards getting the information on how to do something so you can get out there and do it yourself. I'm saddened by the fact that I have taken my relationship with Jesus in the same manner.

Just yesterday, I finished leading worship and took my seat in the back, when my mother started singing Silent Night. That song has always been my favorite Christmas song, but something new came out of it this time. I sat in the back and cried quietly to myself, as each line hit with a conviction that only God could. For once in my life, I sat with no thoughts in my head, as I simply let the song come in and remind me of how it all started and how I got to where I am now. With the most sincerity I have ever had, I simply said “I love you.”. This felt as foreign as my prayers have lately, but only for a second. Before the thought had completely passed, I felt that same sincerity return to me and I no longer felt like a stranger. Just as the song says, Christ the Saviour is born, and he was born in me again that moment. I was the most complete I could be. All it took was something as simple as I love you? There had to be more to it than that! That was where I have always fallen short. It is that simple and I had only distanced myself farther away by not letting that go. It is that simple.

Here it is: you can start over, he is always waiting, we make the choice and the cavern separating us from him, is all our own doing. Nothing and no one, means more to me then him.

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night!
Shepherds quake at the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!
Christ, the Saviour is born
Christ, the Saviour is born

Silent night, holy night
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth "