Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Over my lifetime, I've experienced an emotion that is hard to describe. Not too often, but every now and again, something happens to someone else that makes me feel like I just punched an old lady. It seems to happen most often, when something happens to someone, that I don't feel deserves it.

Some time ago, when I use to live in Decorah, my dad embarked on a epic journey that would change both my brothers and my view, of manual labor. My dad, not being one for doing anything on a small scale, decided to build a pond in our backyard. The pond was large enough to swim in and perfect for keeping Koi fish. Koi are beautiful Japanese fish, that were simply awesome to have around as pets, not just fish. To this day, I regret not taking more joy in the project, because now, it's gone and I don't think I truly knew how much it meant to my dad. We had somewhere around 30 Koi in this pond and the pond was deep enough to keep them in even during the Winter as long as there was a hole in the ice to feed them through. My dad took a plastic tub, put a light bulb through the base of it and then turned the tub upside down over the ice to keep it from freezing over completely. It worked great until one morning we had discovered the bulb off. The Koi had died due to electrocution. Somehow the water had swelled up into the tub and come in contact with the bulb. It was a grim day to say the least. I'll never forget that day, as I watched my dad reach into the water and pull out the dead Koi one by one. I couldn't help, but feel horrible. I felt mad that this happened and to someone that had done nothing to deserve this. Such a pointless consequence to beg the questions; "Why? Why? Why?"

There was so little point to this, that I reached for reasons to blame. Maybe it was my fault or my brothers. Maybe it was my dads fault, but even if it was, did it really merit such a crash to all that he had built? Where was God in this and if he was involved, Why couldn't he have prevented such a meaningless happening.

I have this feeling when someone goes through all the work of filling up there tray at lunch to trip and lose it all, on the way to the table. I experience it when the quiet bookworm kid comes to school with a black eye and a fat lip. I feel it when an old person gets hurt, as if getting old didn't hurt enough. I don't like this feeling of watching others hurt for no apparent reason, but I think there in lies the answer. There is no apparent reason, but who knows what is going on in there world.

There are, in most accounts, 2 reasons for a situation like this to happen. The first reason is known only to the individual going through it. The circumstance may be just the jolt they need for one reason or another. It may be what gets them on to the right path or back on the one they strayed from. More importantly is the other reason for such an emotional encounter. It's not for them, it's for me. I'm given the opportunity to alter life by their situation. I help them clean up there tray, I offer my hand in friendship to the person that's not very popular, I visit the elderly in there time of pain or I express my mutual feeling of sadness at the end to an amazing project together.

I think I've come to realize, that the feeling of punching old ladies, only comes when I go no further then my emotions. I now know, I have to offer myself in a persons time of need, whether I can do it perfectly or not, to give a purpose to what seems like senseless consequences.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net">

I was recently watching family videos of me when I was younger. I found a video of my dad, brother and I playing catch. I remember being scared of my dad throwing the ball at me. It wasn't that he threw too hard, because he didn't, it was that I knew he could. I had watched my dad throw the ball around at ball games with older people and new he had an arm. I watched myself lay my glove open, as he lobed it into the air gently. I would put the glove out in front of me as far as I could, to avoid all chances of getting hit. I remember that fear quite well.

As I grew older, my father threw harder. It was either catch it or get out of the way. I loved playing catch with my dad, but sometimes the fear got the best of me. My dad was very good at putting the ball right where I could catch it and only throwing it as hard as he knew I would be able to handle. I remember probably one of the last times I played catch with him. He was putting everything he had behind it. When I would catch wrong, it would hit the palm of my hand flat and it hurt with a sting that lasted well past the initial impact. Even though he was throwing it harder, I was staying in front of the ball. I was catching it and throwing it back with as much intensity as I had. I began to enjoy the sting and the pain because I was lost in the experience. The fear wasn't there and he knew I could take his hardest throws.

He always new how much I could take. From tossing it up in there air, to hurling it at me with a speed the Road Runner would be jealous of. I realize now that him playing catch with me wasn't about teaching me to be able to handle more, but teaching me how to deal with what was being thrown at me at the time. He knew what I could handle and it showed in how he threw it at me. Life is the same way with God. He knows what we can handle and adjusts his pitches accordingly.

There is two ways to fight through struggles that seem overwhelming.

#1 Without God
This puts the weight on you and you alone. Fear is more overwhelming knowing that you can only do what you believe you can do. There are no miracles, no saving graces and nothing to gaing, but the chance to do it all over again when you fall. Whether it ends good or bad, you are solely to blame and ultimately are all alone.

#2 With God
If you know that God doesn't put you through any endeavor that you can't handle you will feel ok. Reguardless of the situation, you will come out victorious. you know that God will provide and thus, nothing seems out of reach or improbable. There is a sense of security and wellbeing that can be gained from finding joy in a failure, knowing they can't get the best of you.

All in all I learned a valuable lesson from playing catch from my father. He didn't teach me to fear or hate the ball, but to understand it. In life and all its failings, I've learned no matter what comes my way, always stay in front of the ball, because when God is with me, there is no safer place to be.

I had quite the birthday this week. I wasn't really telling people, mainly because I just didn't care to. I mean, after you hit 21 there really isn't much to look forward to except another year. However, my girlfriend pulled out all the stops. I kind of figured she would, but not as much as she did.

She came to see me at work and brought a cake with my picture on it; she looked so happy. After work was over, I headed to youth group and she met me with a dozen blue balloons smiling the whole time. When youth group was over, she met me at my house where she gave me my gifts. She bought me two DVDs and a picture of us, as well as chocolate.

She really made me feel important. Not only now, with all the stuff, but even before. She makes me real some days. Sometimes the look in her eyes is the time of day when I come flying back to reality. I go to work, I go to band practice, I run the youth group, it all meshes together sometimes and she seems to be the one thing that always keeps me grounded. She means more to me than she knows and she is a piece of my golden ticket that I can call my own.

Cant take
The time to be
Who you see
Inside of me.
Love me strong
I can't stay long.
To busy to be
Who you see in me.

Something to hear.
Something to see.
Something is you
Right beside of me.

Time is lost.
When you're around.
Your voice a whisper.
Love that sound
Inside my thoughts.
Begins to pound.
You leap into
You go right through.

Something to do.
Something is said.
Somewhere to run
With only you.

I'll take time
To find you true.
Loving steps
Along with you.
Tears will fall
Drops like flame
Embracing me
I call your name.

Something,
Something,
I know is you.