I hate spiders. A lot. Anytime I see one inside the house I stop everything and kill it. However recently I have had a slight change of heart. Not enough to make me start cuddling with them or anything, but enough to treat them with the respect they deserve. Two things caused this paradigm shift. First, I was over at my Fiancés apartment and she was complaining about fruit flies. Wandering around the kitchen while she was cleaning, I noticed on a plant in the window was a fairly large web on it and a spider the size of a watermelon seed. I said “Yuck. You got a spider living in your plant.” That's when she freaked out and told me to kill it (she hates them more than me). However, I noticed the web was covered in little specs; fruit flies. I told her she should leave it cause it was solving her fruit fly problem and she said that was fine being it was far away from her normal activities. I had always known that spiders ate insects, but never really thought of it in this helpful light before. So I left it to do what it was best at.

The second, and I think most important spider moment, also involved Angela. We were standing outside somewhere when I heard her shriek. I turned and looked down to see a spider the size of a half dollar skittering across the ground. Just like that, out of instinct I'm sure, she stepped on it, killing it. I instantly felt bad. For something I hated so much, for the first time, I felt bad for it. It was outside where it was supposed to be and even then, we killed it. It didn't deserve that at all. I have sense then taken a “stop and think” method to spider removal. Even though I still find spiders disgusting, if I can get it outside without killing it, I will.

I think that Christians get in the habit of killing spiders outside. We are so quick to act on our instincts and smash a spider because it's something we don't like, even when it's where we'd expect it to be. We can't do this to people, just like we shouldn't do it to spiders.

Through your lifetime you will see people who don't live like you, act like you or believe like you and our tendency is to stomp it out of our lives and proceed more safely, but those people are right where they need to be, for you to make a difference in their lives. When we focus on the fact that a spider is disgusting or scary we forget the utility and value they have in our world, as with the fruit flies. The same is for those people we don't see eye to eye with. We need to stop acting on our instincts that say “Quick kill it!” and learn to love people through our differences. When we do that our lives aren't controlled by fear or our incompatibility, but how all of us have a purpose and a reason to be here.

As for me and my dislike of spiders, I don't think I'll ever keep one as a pet, but they hold a very different spot in my heart now.

For the first time in who knows how long I had to go to the dentist a couple weeks ago. I avoid that place like the plague and hope and pray that I never have teeth problems. However, that all changed when I awoke one night with horrible tooth pain. It was one of the worst nights of my entire life. The pain was unbearable and I couldn't sleep. First thing in the morning I had to call the dentist. I reluctantly made an appointment and prepared myself for the horrible experience ahead of me.As I was sitting in the chair waiting for the dentist to come in and look at my mouth, I sat and listened to the wretched sound of drills. When you have a toothache the first thing the dentist asks is, “Can you describe where the pain is at?” Having next to no idea of where the pain was at rather than a general location, he began tapping on teeth and asking which one hurt. Eventually we nailed down the fact that it was my wisdom teeth, but I'll save that horrific experience for another blog entry.

Recently a friend of mine was getting sick on a regular basis and wasn't able to eat much. Having no idea what the problem was, she went to the hospital to get it checked out. Exploratory surgery found it to be a tumor in her lower intestine, which was removed and she appears to be on the path to recovery.

Why is it the only time we get help, is when we don't know what is wrong with us? People with real identifiable problems go weeks, months or even years at a time with a known problem they never seek out help for. The hardest part for any kind of addict, is admitting they have a problem and that is from drugs to less obvious things like money or pornography. It seems though, that because the problem is easily identifiable, it's just as easily ignored.

God wants us to come to him with our problems and that can be easy, however the real struggle seems to be getting the help we need. We can tell God our problems and then lean back as we hope he will magically fix them, but too often we miss the real life opportunities he is putting in front of us as we sit waiting for a miracle. The point I am trying to make here is, don't wait. If you have real issues and you know it, then get the help you need. Give them up to God first and then be prepared to have them taken care of in what may be a simple or common way. God does work in mysterious ways, but sometimes he's just asking you to take the first step in the obvious directions.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Took a long time off from the whole blog thing, not that I needed it, but because I've just been neglecting it out of a lack of interest. However now I am back and have decided to make my updates more frequent. So stay tuned I'll have a full blog post in a day or two. Until then enjoy this trailer for, "The Kevin Malone Story"

When I was a little kid, I use to get pains in my leg at night. It didn't happen all the time, but often enough to make it hard to sleep. Everyone has had these pains before, because our bodies were growing. However, that never made it any less confusing. Being young and so new to the world of pain, growth and change, pain without reason was disheartening. I use to toss and turn for hours. Some nights my mother would try to help by massaging my leg and that would help, but only until the next one hit.

On an individual basis we go through the fire daily. When we were young it was easy to get lost in life changing moments. The girl you loved that turned you down, a friend that left you or the grade that wasn't what you expected. Maybe it was a job you loved and lost or a loved one that passed away. It could have been a broken promise, a betrayal, or even an insult. Maybe it was something fantastic, like a first kiss or the smell of the hot pavement after a rain. The grass on your bare feet, neighborhood baseball or your first time off the high dive is still as much a part of you today as it was when it happened.Whatever it was, it hit you and left a mark you now carry forever.

Everyday is a growing pain, good or bad. The days stretch us and make us think we will always ache. It aches, because we will never be the same. God asks us to change everyday, to stand up to the growing pains and move forward with a determination that can't be stopped. I've decided to follow God in everything I do and for that reason there is no amount of ache, caused by me or other people, that will prevent me from doing that.

If there is one thing to take away from all this, this is it: Peace is not the absence of pain, but the presence of power. That power is God.

You will have growing pains. We all do. Will they control you?

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

...doesn't exist some days. I have days where I have to struggle, to want to love God. I know who he is and the importance he holds in my life, but there are days I don't want to pray. I am at ease with my lack of desire for Jesus, because I am happy with where I am at in life. I love the church and want to see it exemplify what Christ stands for, but that is so separate from where I stand some days, that I feel like this is simply my job to want the church to grow and that holds no passion. There is no spirituality to my strategic planning and knowledge I have gained and that seems OK sometimes. I find myself not talking to God as someone I love, but asking him to teach me how to love him, because I simply lack that.

Making God a conscious thought all the time is hard and takes a commitment that I have come to except as too difficult to take seriously. However, complacency is not where I can reside and a low point is not where to quit. I have these days as I am sure everyone does, but the difference between someone who found God and someone who chased a high becomes apparent in their ability to find God again.

Everyday that I acknowledge I have lost my passion is an opportunity to find and increase it that much more. Too many abandon ship far too early, missing the opportunity that God is hoping you will use to truly find your passion for him again. People avoid acknowledging they don't love God for fear they will be loosing their religion. The truth is, those are the moments he wants to teach you how to love him. More than you ever thought you have.

We are imperfect people and loving God is certainly affected by that imperfection, so admit it! Stop faking! If you are unable to love God, but act like you do, you can't address the problem. If you don't address you have a problem, God can't help you through it. Thus you spin in this circle getting farther and farther away from God, until your faith becomes a shell with no real meaning. All of this simply caused by humans inability to relinquish their pride and admit they are imperfect.

Break yourself in front of Christ and admit your failings. God will not leave you in this quandary if you ask for help. When you feel like there is no chance of rescue, hang on; you are almost there.

And in this we can trust that he is there when we don't know how to love him, don't think we can do it, don't have the strength, courage, passion or abilities, when we cry out and when we praise him. Never give up on him. Never give up.

In Case you need to hear the orginal, click here

I came across this journal entry today and found that there was a lot to be learned from this experience of mine, so I decided I wanted to share it with you.

9/18/2006

I had the unnerving pleasure of developing some film today for a woman who had recently lost her newborn baby. Being the only one working and utterly swamped, I approached the counter to help two women when I was handed a letter. The woman said the letter was to go with the roll of film and I was supposed to read it. After taking the roll of film to the back I continued working frantically to keep up. With orders slowly slipping past the one hour mark, I was forced to tell people it would take more than an hour. I finally got to the woman’s film and read the letter. I was told to be very careful with the film for these would be the only memories this woman would have of her lost child. I put the film through the processor and continued working.

The mother of this child must have overheard me telling customers that it would take longer than an hour and approached me at the counter. She was wondering if her order was going to be late and she said she needed them as soon as possible. She had to go out of town to the funeral and she had little time. As she was listing off why her time was short, she started to tear up. She was talking to me as if I was part of her current circumstances. We were looking at each other and for a moment I felt as if I was an element of it; a character in this part of her story. I said I would do everything I could to get hers done on time.

It was hard to scan those photos. It was hard to look at the loss, what most have been the greatest of failures in this woman’s eyes; maybe not her failure, but the malfunction of life. I don’t know what it’s like to loose something so cherished, but there in front of me was someone’s contribution to this world and their own life, captured only in a photograph. I didn’t know how to feel about this. Maybe I should have felt sorry for her and the cards that were dealt. Maybe I should have felt foolish for being so emotionless when I asked if she wanted doubles or a CD with these pictures, not knowing what they were of. Perhaps I should feel like a hero for completing her order on time and trying to give her a look and a smile that conveyed sentiment as I handed her the pictures. All of these are not what this is about.

We all try so hard to distance ourselves from loss and failure, so as to make ourselves feel like it can’t happen to us. Our desire to make it through another day unscathed by problems is enough to put other people’s dilemmas on a shelf. For a moment, after sending this mother on her way, I didn’t feel anything. After thinking about it for a little bit, I didn’t believe it right to feel bad for her or to feel pity, because how can you share those feelings with someone without making them more aware of the hurt? Did God cry when this happened? Did he hug his own son and resent the world he created for an moment? Did He even ask, “Why?”

God hates sin, he loathes it. Whose sin was it that caused this child to die? It doesn’t matter. God does not delight in sin and thus he does not make sin befall anyone. So we have to ask ourselves, are we with God against sin or are we against God because of what he has “done” to us?

I have a great respect for this mother, which in my heart she will always be, because her life will be filled with many complicated questions to triumph over. I can only hope and pray, that as each day passes in her life, she will find the strength to press on, knowing that one day she will see her child again and she will call her, mother.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

My Brothers Friends...

Lately I have been studying a lot about what church should look and feel like. I've been reading a lot of books and blog entries from people who have a certain view and I find one reoccurring trait that is having a hard time taking hold. Summed up in a word, it's selflessness. Being part of a nation that makes you believe you can be who and what you want to be, only encourages us to take that same mindset into church. There are three words that don't belong in church if used in a selfish manner.


1. Disdain:

To think of anyone or any particular issue with disdain is to put yourself in a place of control above it and its relevance. Followers of Christ are to lead by example and doing so makes you no better than anyone else. When has contempt, despise or scorn ever fit into what Christ calls you to be or how he wants you to treat others? This sort of feeling arises from the individual arrogance that “I am who the church is serving and they had better realize that, for my sake.”


2. Offended:



3. Apathy:

Church needs to be a place of excitement and movement! If you lack that or despise that, it's is time to check out of church and into a hospice. It says in 1 Corinthians 3:16 - “Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?” Back in the times of the Old Testament, the temple was where people went to see God, it was a physical manifestation of God on this earth. In this passage, Paul is saying we are to be that temple. Is your church/temple full of apathetic people? If so, is that what you want people to see God as when they come to your church?


It's time to stop being selfish and thinking about ourselves, but to realize true joy comes from serving together, as a community, built to show God's love. It's not about us and I hope you can stand with me in saying, I'm willing to sacrifice my own desires and ideals to see Gods kingdom glorified and the world we live in impacted daily.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net